When you are called upon to care for another person facing serious health issues, significant challenges will arise. Depending upon the degree of suffering experienced by the one for whom you are caring, these challenges may be greater than any you have previously faced in other roles.
The sad reality is that most of us are not great at suffering or dealing with prolonged pain. This also holds true when it comes to caring for others experiencing extended periods of physical and emotional pain.
As a caregiver to my wife who has battled cancer over the last year, my character has been tested in ways in which I could have never anticipated, nor to which I was previously accustomed. I don’t believe I’m alone. When long-term caregiving stretches us far beyond our natural abilities, the feelings and behaviors that emerge can surprise and humble us.
Finding Hope In Harsh Realities
Here are a few things I’ve come to recognize that I hope will also serve as an encouragement to you.
- While caring for someone else, don’t be surprised at how weary you become. It may feel like there is an endless list of responsibilities, yet doing all you can to ensure sufficient rest, physically and emotionally, will help you press on.
- Be prepared to encounter levels of selfishness not previously witnessed in yourself. It’s not a matter of “if”, but “when” selfishness arises. When it does, don’t deny it. Rather, acknowledge and own it and then get alone with God to confess your weaknesses and any anger, frustration, or impatience that has resulted. From there, apologize, if needed, out of a genuine heart of contrition.
- Don’t be shocked at how hard caregiving can get. To be able to stay the course, you must give yourself opportunities to recharge and refuel. For me, going on a bike ride or hitting a bucket of golf balls helps. Find what helps restore your soul (mind, will and emotions) and then make time for it regularly.
- Asking for help does not equate to failing as a caregiver. Pease don’t try to do it alone. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a tells us, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up.” God’s desire for us is that we not function independently of one another – especially through the trials of life. Most of us have friends willing to help who just don’t know how. Invite them into the process and allow them to share your load. It could be something as simple as asking them to sit with your loved one while you rest or recharge. In addition, having the support and accountability of friends, provides you with a safe place to vent frustrations, knowing it will not change the way they view you or your patient. The impact of having others with whom you can share your burdens (practically and emotionally) is so important, I even recommend paying for help if there is no one available, and if it can be afforded.
- Seeing your patient (and yourself) at their worst can create feelings of guilt and vulnerability. Rather than allowing such feelings to bring about shame or fear, let them serve as a reminder of your neediness for God. As you face adversity, let it serve as a tool to encounter and deepen your intimacy with God.
In closing, I want to borrow the sentiments John Piper expressed in his book, “Don’t Waste Your Life”. When we choose to allow it, caregiving can become the Calvary Road that leads us to share in the sufferings of Christ and benefit from His love and compassion. For it is ultimately in His Presence we will receive His strength that sustains us and helps us to continue serving and caring with joy.
